Beheaded Girls were Ramadan 'Trophies'

Three Christian high school girls were beheaded as a Ramadan "trophy" by Indonesian militants who conceived the idea after a visit to Philippines jihadists, a court heard yesterday.

But the violence comes from a small group of Muslims; most of them are peaceful!

However… [it was] decided that beheading Christians could qualify as an act of Muslim charity.

That's the problem — it's not the "peaceful majority" that we have to contend with.  

Looking for voice-overs? Check Out Voice123.com

Ann Coulter explains it pretty well here. 

Way! 

WuzzaDem: New Sub-Clause Discovered in U.S. Constitution

Apparently, Barack Obama is actually Barack Hussein Obama. 

WuzzaDem wants to know Why Wasn't I Informed Of This?

How not to rob a liquor store

Here's a random word - zuf5xk. I want to see how long before it shows up in a Google search.

***UPDATE - two days!

For all you dog lovers out there, here are some of the lessor known breeds that are being bred in different parts of the United States.

Cross breed Dogs:

• Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
• Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
• Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
• Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
• Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
• Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
• Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
• Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
• Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
• Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by….oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
• Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
• Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
• Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed

• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
• If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
• If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
• If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? –Tom Robbins
• If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
• If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? –Steven Wright
• If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down? (Thanks, Robert A. Hinds)
• If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
• If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
• If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? –Steven Wright
• If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?
• If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
• If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? –Harry Shearer
• If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
• If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?
• If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?
• If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? (Thanks, Bob Hornal)
• If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?
• If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? –Steven Wright
• If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?
• If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?
• If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?
• If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
• If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? –Ashleigh Brilliant
• If flowers don’t talk back to you, are they mums?
• If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? –Steven Wright
• If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? –George Carlin
• If God dropped acid, would he see people?
• If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?
• If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?
• If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? –Steven Wright
• If I save time, when do I get it back?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? –Dennis Miller
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?
• If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
• If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
• If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
• If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
• If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
• If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
• If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? –Art Hoppe
• If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
• If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of? (Thanks, Chris Cole)
• If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
• If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
• If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
• If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
• If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
• If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
• If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?
• If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
• If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
• If you mixed milk of magnesia with orange juice and vodka, would you get a Philips' screwdriver? (Thanks, Hannah Fried)
• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Michelle Malkin writes:

In between breathless condemnations of the Bush administration for stifling its free speech, endless court filings demanding classified and sensitive information from the military and intelligence agencies, and self-pitying media industry confabs bemoaning their hemorrhaging circulations (with the exception of the New York Post), my colleagues in the American media don't have much to time to give thanks. Allow me:

Give thanks we don't live in Bangladesh, where you can be put on trial for writing columns supporting Israel and condemning Muslim violence….

Give thanks we don't live in Egypt, where bloggers have been detained by the government for criticizing Islam and exposing the apathy of Cairo police to sexual harassment of women….

Give thanks we don't live in Sudan, where editors can lose their heads for not kowtowing to the government line….

Read the parts I left out and all the rest at What American journalists should be thankful for.

If you know a young lady who is desperate to look like a model, show her this brief movie. Not only is the model worked on by experts, she is actually Photoshopped! Her neck is elongated, her eyes are enlarged and her face is made slender.

Dove has the movie.  

The arrogance belongs to the liberals, and the blood is the price paid by the men and women in our military.

"It is arrogant to think that if other people just knew how well we thought of ourselves, they'd stop trying to kill us."

– Tiffy Gerhardt (Abby Brammell), The Unit, "Old Home Week"

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.
It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile."
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue… an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother,
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

– unattributed 

William Shakespeare's witches in Macbeth had the famous lines:

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

I couldn't find the nutritional information, but it sounds low-carb.

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

–John Stuart Mill

My wife signed us up for Columbia House's video program, which we soon canceled. That was several months ago.

A couple of days ago, we got another DVD from them. I checked my bank statement, and there are two charges on there this month from Columbia House — the second charge is for a video I haven't received yet. I called today, and they said that I was on their "Viewer's Choice" program; I explained if it was truly Viewer's Choice, I would have chosen not to receive anything from them, and asked them to immediately refund both charges. Their representative told me that they would refund the money when I returned the videos. When I suggested that since they charged me before sending the videos to me, they should refund the charges before they received the videos, especially since mail fraud laws say I have no responsibility to pay for anything sent to me without my request.  However, the representative said it is Columbia House's policy that no refunds will be issued until the video is returned to them.

I asked to talk to the representative's supervisor, and was placed on hold. The representative came back quickly and told me that the  supervisor couldn't or wouldn't help, and wouldn't talk to me!

So to recap, I asked to be removed from their program, and later they started charging me and sending me videos without my permission. Now I have to send them back, and hope that Columbia House both receives them and issues the credits. In my opinion, Columbia House is running a scam.

LOL - Hear the song here.

"Mr. Way Too Liberal For Texas Guy" Transcript:

Announcer: Presenting…
Singer: Real Washington liberals
Announcer: Today we salute you, Mr. Way Too Liberal for Texas Guy
Singer:  Mr. Way Too Liberal for Texas Guy!
Announcer: Only you, Chris Bell, could vote for higher taxes ten times in congress, and despite a record state surplus, run for governor on a platform of raising taxes.
Singer: This ain’t Taxachusetts!
Chorus: Taxachusetts!
Announcer: Congressman Bell, only you could vote to make it hard to deport terrorists then support sanctuary for illegal immigrants so the law can’t ask a person’s legal status.
Singer: Don’t ask, don’t tell!
Announcer: And you voted to let the United Nations oversee elections in America because no one stands up for democracy like the French.
Singer: Je m’appelle Christophe Bell! (My name is Chris Bell)
Announcer: So wear your fancy beret with pride, Congressman Bell… liberals everywhere salute you.
Singer: Mr. Way Too Liberal for Texas Guy
Chorus: Ooh la la

"Mr. Way Too Liberal For Texas Guy" Fact Check:

Today we salute you, Mr. Way Too Liberal for Texas Guy.  Only you, Chris Bell, could vote for higher taxes 10 times in congress…

Vote 82, 3/21/2003
VOTED AGAINST - The Congressional Budget for Fiscal Year 2004 included authorization for President Bush’s tax cut package.

Vote 141, 4/11/2003
VOTED AGAINST - The Congressional Budget for Fiscal Year 2004 included authorization for President Bush’s tax cut package.

Vote 182, 5/9/2003
VOTED AGAINST - The Jobs and Growth Reconciliation Act cut taxes by $550 billion, including raising the child tax credit to $1,000 through 2005.

Vote 225, 5/23/2003
VOTED AGAINST - The Jobs and Growth Reconciliation Act cut taxes by $350 billion, including raising the child tax credit from $600 to $1,000 for 2003 and 2004.

Vote 274, 6/12/2003
VOTED AGAINST - The Tax Relief, Simplification, and Equity Act of 2003 extended the $1,000 per-child tax credit to 2010 and accelerated a refund for this credit to low-income families. 

Vote 136, 4/28/2004
VOTED FOR - This amendment eliminated tax cuts for high income families. 

Vote 169, 5/13/2004
VOTED FOR - This amendment raised the tax rate 1.9 percent on the top income bracket.

Vote 208, 5/20/2004
VOTED FOR - This amendment placed an additional tax on high income taxpayers.

Vote 259, 6/17/2004
VOTED AGAINST - The American Jobs Creation Act provided $140 billion in business tax relief creating a more competitive and productive environment for manufacturing, service, and high-technology businesses. 

Vote 301, 6/24/2004
VOTED FOR - This resolution increased government spending by $14.2 billion by repealing $18.9 billion in tax cuts.

…and despite a record state surplus…

In April 2006, the Office of the Comptroller announced a historic state budget surplus of $8.2 billion in General Revenue-Related funds available.  (Comptroller of Public Accounts, 2006-07 Revenue Estimate for the 79th Legislature: Third Called Session, April 2006)

…run for governor on a platform of raising taxes.

Bell Supports Higher Property Taxes- “He acknowledged that the plan would be expensive and suggested that the property tax rollbacks backed by Republican Gov. Rick Perry and enacted by the Legislature this summer would have to be curtailed to pay for it. (Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 9/23/06)

Bell Opposes Appraisal Reform to Keep Property Taxes Low- “Democrat Chris Bell, one of Perry's challengers for governor, said appraisal caps are unnecessary.” (Austin American-Statesman, 8/22/06)  “I don’t think that legislators in Austin should pass property tax appraisal limits…” (DallasNews.com 2006 Candidate Quiz)

Bell Would Support a Job-Killing Payroll Tax- “Overhauling the state’s business tax is the key to the school finance reform package I would fight for… This business tax overhaul could take the form of either a broad-based payroll tax or a gross receipts tax.”  (DallasNews.com 2006 Candidate Quiz)

Bell Supports Higher Taxes on Employers- “He would fund the salary hike by increasing the rate of the state's new business tax, though he wouldn't specify by how much.” (Associated Press, 9/1/06)

Bell Would Support Raising the Sales Tax- “We might have to look at slightly increasing the sales tax.” (Dallas Morning News, 2/10/06)

Bell is Open to a Personal Income Tax in the Future- “On his watch, Bell said, a bipartisan commission will recommend changes to the state's ‘antiquated’ tax system, but he ruled out, ‘for now,’ creation of a state personal income tax.” (Austin American-Statesman, 8/15/05)

Bell: Anyone Who Says We Don’t Need Higher Taxes is a Liar- "Rick Perry has basically tried to tell people that state government can meet all their needs … and they don't have to pay a penny more. People are waking up to the fact that is completely false."  (Houston Chronicle, 12/10/05)

Bell Calls this an Insult?- “Rick Perry's biggest priority is to pass a tax cut.” (San Antonio Express-News, 3/21/06)

Congressman Bell, only you could vote to make it hard to deport terrorists…

Congressman Chris Bell voted against an amendment to the 9/11 Recommendations Implementation Act that would have strengthened our immigration laws by allowing for the swift deportation of known terrorist.

Vote 516 on October 8, 2004 would have defined that all terrorist-related grounds of inadmissibility would also be grounds of deportability; makes attending a terrorist training camp an inadmissible and deportable offense; and strengthens the grounds of inadmissibility and deportability regarding the providing of money or other material support to a terrorist organization.

…then support sanctuary for illegal immigrants so the law can’t ask a person’s legal status.

In 1997, Bell sponsored a city council measure that would have declared Houston “an immigrant ‘safety zone.’ Their proposal… would ensure city services for all Houston residents, regardless of immigration status.  The measure calls for no financial commitment, but it ensures that the city’s agencies, such as the Houston Police Department and public health clinics don’t ask about immigration status.  To City Councilman Chris Bell, who has agreed to sponsor the measure, it clarifies Houston’s stance on some gray areas linked to the new welfare and immigration laws.” (Houston Chronicle, 6/29/97)

Congressman Chris Bell voted against an amendment to the Department of Homeland Security Appropriations Bill that would have strengthened our immigration laws by allowing local law enforcement to ask criminal suspects their legal status to be in our country.

Vote 270 on June 8, 2004 would have prohibited the use of funds to provide assistance to any state or local government entity or official that prohibits or restricts the sharing of an individual’s citizenship or immigration status with the Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

And you voted to let the United Nations oversee elections in America because no one stands up for democracy like the French.

Congressman Bell voted against barring the use of taxpayer funds to request the United Nations oversee and assess the validity of elections in the United States. (Vote 385, 7/15/04)

Given the right circumstances, liberal feminists, activist lawyers, and judges — who should be impeached for their lack of judgement — will first allow and then defend the cold-blooded shooting of an innocent child.

It happened. Read about it at Townhall.com: When Liberals Shoot Children.

My wife was going to help me celebrate my upcoming 44th birthday with a brand new .44 Magnum (I had to sell all my guns shortly after we married, and I've only acquired a couple since), but since her new job has been postponed for several weeks, we decided to be frugal. 

I debated soliciting funds online for a couple of weeks, but I finally decided 1) I'm shameless enough and 2) I can offer something of value in return.

A couple of months ago, I first saw the Smith & Wesson Model 329, a .44 Magnum revolver made with Scandium, a lightweight alloy. It weighs just a little over half of the all-steel Model 29. Those sculpted wooden grips fit my hand perfectly, so it makes me wonder about the recoil. I'm not especially recoil-sensitive, but ya gotta figure you'll know when it goes off.

(click for larger view)

Here's my offer: if y'all help me raise the funds to purchase it, I'll post a video of me shooting it one-handed. If that's not very dramatic, I'll 'splode whatever large vegetables I can get at the grocery store, and the obligatory water-filled gallon jug. 

You can donate by PayPal, and I'll save your email address so I can notify you when the video is posted. The total cost will be about $950, so as soon as I get $700, I'll buy it.

Thanks for helping!

Does Gracie look annoyed? Yes, she does.

Speedbump annoys her most of the time.

Stolen directly from IMAO.us, because it's funny.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/v/7h3GPc_yMCE[/video]

The David Zucker Albright Ad

Or maybe the spine has been there all along, biding it's time. Boy, that metaphor is really falling apart.

Make sense of it at The Other Side of Kim du Toit.

It touches the heart — really it does. <sniff>

Grab a hankie and head to IMAO.

Read the story at WuzzaDem.

Donate to help Diana Irey at Right Roots!

Note — it wasn't until I donated at Right Roots that I found out that Diana Irey is very pretty — an additional benefit for the poor folks in the 12th District of Pennsylvania, who currently are "served" by what looks like a fleshy old bulldog.

How is this a hard choice?  

Gary has a neat newspaper format… just my two cents' worth. 

The Owner's Manual

Yay! It's finally up! This week's Carnival of Comedy, which I'm calling the Harvest Carnival, since SpaceMonkey won't tell me which number it is. (I got it wrong the last two times.)

My lovely wife is out of town, and since I'm taking care of the girls by myself, I have a good excuse for being late this time — I kept having to choose between taking care of the kids or drugging them and posting the carnival, and I chose to take care of the kids every single time because I'm a wonderful Dad. Ironically, it's a light carnival this week, but I'm still going to be lazy and use the carnival format. That's why they all start with UserName presents PostName, and so forth. Sue me.

Stiknstein presents The Real Thing??..I bet JOLT is better?.. posted at stikNstein….has no mercy. An intro Cocaine, an energy drink with a "fun" name, and a bit of history of the Coca-Cola brand.

Elizabeth presents Meet the master of the lap dance and presidential candidate posted at Creatures of the Earth. I think Elizabeth got us confused with the Carnival of the Cats, which I should create and submit a post for, since I'm a link slut.

Madeleine Begun Kane presents How To Disorganize Your Life posted at MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG. I feel sorry for Madeleine, but also for her neighbors, because step 2 involves dashing around the house naked, and although subsequent steps involve leaving the house, none involve getting dressed.

Miriam presents Guns don't kill people posted at miriam's ideas. A heart-warming story of a granny shooting a would-be intruder, which of course is also funny.

Chris Carlisle presents The Shallow End of the Jury Pool posted at The Dimmer Switch. Boy, I sure want to be judged by a bunch of people that aren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Tommy presents Microsoft Yields To Open Source Programming posted at The Kag Report. A dream…

Damian G. presents Mother Nature: Republican Operative? posted at Conservathink. Watch for How-wierd Dean to demand an investigation…

Well, that's it for the Harvest Carnival of Comedy, sponsored by IMAO. You can submit your entry for future carnivals at the Blog Carnival. Contact SpaceMonkey (link at Blog Carnival) if you want to host a carnival. You don't even have to do it promptly or well!

All I did was sound out the words — she'll be four in November!