From Michael Moore's website:

Dear Friends,

GSFP and Code Pink are sponsoring a hunger strike for peace which begins July 04, called Troops Home Fast. Some of us like Dick Gregory and Diane Wilson will be fasting until the troops come home from Iraq, and some, like me, will be fasting for a specified time. My fast will begin on 7/04 and end on the last day of Camp Casey: 09/02.

I had a flashback to the Saturday Night Live episode where "Al Sharpton" is on a hunger strike, but whenever the camera turns away from him - or whenever he can get the camera to turn away - he wolfs down whatever food he can get his hands on. I can just imagine conservatives dogging Michael Moore for almost two months to see what food items go under the group "fasting."

Then, bitter, bitter disappointment as I get to the last lines:

Love and peace soon,
Cindy

She's nutty enough to really do it, and to truly believe whatever she does eat doesn't actually count. Where's the fun in that? 

Remember when Rush Limbaugh suggested that Tom DeLay dress up nice and smile for his mugshot? DeLay seemed to take his advice:

(click & visit Wuzzadem!)

Hmm… that might have been retouched. Well, it's fake - but accurate.

Anyway, last night Rush Limbaugh was briefly detained at the Palm Beach International Airport when a vial of Viagra with a prescription in his doctor's name instead of his was discovered in his luggage. Like a pack of hyper chihuahuas, the Palm Beach County Sherriff's Deptartment hastily convened a press conference regarding the incident, yipping furiously and peeing on the floor.

Today on his radio show, Rush - with no mention of the bandaids on his ankles or the pee on his loafers - had a few comments:

"I've been racking my brain. I'm trying to figure out how Bob Dole's luggage got onto my airplane."

Later: "I had told my doctor that I was concerned about the next election, not, er…"

And finally: "It is what it is."

And yet I'm LMAO. 

An Environmentalist's Worst Nightmare…

… just wrap it around your head first.

It really scares me to think about our current Congress trying to amend the Constitution; I don't think they're qualified. Besides, as James Taranto says, "Burning the flag is a stupid and ugly act, but there is something lovely and enlightened about a regime that tolerates it in the name of freedom. And of course it has the added benefit of making it easier to spot the idiots."

Remember Lt. Ehren Watada, who volunteered for the Army in March 2003 (long after the war on terror began) and then subsequently refused to deploy to Iraq? The moonbats have decided to proclaim today a National Day of Action (snort!) in his support.

Michelle Malkin has more. 

Rep. John Murtha (D-Uranus) proclaimed Saturday that "American presence in Iraq is more dangerous to world peace than nuclear threats from North Korea or Iran," yet has so far refused to renounce his role in the regime.

Murtha, who believes that Okinawa is convenient to the Mideast, continues to ignore requests that he seek professional treatment for his obvious dementia. Ironically, this treatment would be provided at no charge because of his involvement with both the military and the government of this dangerous regime. 

The former Butcher of Baghdad went on hunger strike last Thursday to protest the killing of one of his lawyers by gunmen.

The pathetic former dictator ate breakfast, then began his fast. After furtively eating his stash of Cool Ranch Doritos, he ended the hunger strike in time for supper. "I'm going to miss what's-his-name," he explained around a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

Here's one:

Australia has no illusions about the "international community" and its feckless institutions. An island of tranquility in a roiling region, Australia understands that peace and prosperity do not come with the air we breathe but are maintained by power

 Charles Krauthammer has more.

So… I finally get to host the Carnival of Comedy, and it's during the week we move across town. No problem… I can handle it. Except - I unexpectedly have to work out of town for four days, including the day I'm supposed to host the Carnival. So that's why this is late. 

I attempted to have a theme - Who Should Buy Mexico? Didn't work out too well, so I'll have to try it myself soon. 

Thanks to SpaceMonkey and IMAO for the opportunity which I squandered. Want to host a carnival? Email Spacemonkey -at- IMAO.US. Did you know IMAO has a podcast? The last one was three months ago - that's how hard they work to ensure quality for you, the listener.

Here's the rating system:
* Look! You got a star!
** Heh
*** LOL
**** LMAO

And now teh funny: 

** Mr. Right has re-written Don McLean's American Pie as Ms. American Spy, and it seems to be as long as the original, which DJs would play when they needed to take a crap. Since I'm running behind and ADD, I only made it through the first hundred stanzas or so, but it was pretty clever, even though it had no reference to Who Should Buy Mexico. I didn't get far enough to verify that he rates it NSFW, so now I feel cheated. I bet that part was worth at least three stars, though.

*** Suldog has written a recipe for a special kind of enchilada, and it apparently involves hallucinogens. The writing, not the recipe. Did you know enchiladas come from Antarctica? Me either. Also rated NSFW, although how that applies to text, I don't know. Do some people have to share monitors with their coworkers? Enchiladas remind me of Mexicans.

** Miriam is starting a new charitable organization, and understands how to sell it to the MSM. She makes good points, just not exactly comedy. How about a charitable organization to buy Mexico?

*** Speaking of the Mainstream Media, Don Surber has the true story of a fanatic pissed at being passed over for al-Qaeda promotion. Be brave, little fanatic! We hope there's another opening soon. NSFW, if you read it out loud. Don apparently doesn't care about the Mexicans.

*** Damian G. at Conservathink presents French stock market plummets as Jerry Lewis suffers "mild" heart attack. Yay! Sarcasm directed at the French. But what about sarcasm directed at Mexico, Damian?

* The blue square presents The Blue Square Investigates Furniture posted at The Order of the Blue Square. I get accused of this from time to time (although it obviously doesn't apply right now, Saturday morning, two days after the Carnival is supposed to be posted), so take my word that the blue square staff has way the hell too much time on their hands. Why not work on Who Should Buy Mexico?

* Lisa at Lil' Duck Duck presents The end of the duck & fried carpet??!  A cautionary tale, funny if you're a parent, except that it brings back bad memories of grease on the giant stuffed Dora the Explorer, at least for me. I contributed to the duck fund, although it's money that I could have used to buy Mexico.

*** Jon Swift presents The Retirement of Bill Gates from Microsoft Is No Big Deal. Pretty funny, especially if you work with geeks, which I am do. Obviously, Bill Gates could buy Mexico when he retires.

* Robert Levin presents Stupidity: Its Uses & Abuses. Ever meet someone that can pack a 5-minute conversation into an hour? Robert, apparently inspired by Chaucer, who was paid by the word, if memory serves, watches one of those people shave every morning. In the Superman zeitgeist, super-villians exist because superheroes do. Robert, it's possible there are so many stupid people in the world because you are so intelligent. Social science demands that you perform an experiment in which you move to a small country, where, if my theory holds true, you will quickly become the only intelligent person, yet live a frustrated life of not being recognized as such, and continue to receive poor service, and be misunderstood when you exercise your wit.

* Peace Moonbeam presents Bad News posted at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles. I had to read a few other posts to try to make sense of this. Sadly, I was forced to move on with my life before enlightenment occurred.

*** Vox Poplar & John Murtha at Vox Poplar is Right About Everything & Don't You Forget It! presents Murtha Knows Best & Don't You Forget It!  To be honest, the third star is for making fun of Murtha.

* Chris Carlisle presents I didn't bother to think up a title, either posted at The Dimmer Switch. He phones one in about not having anything to write about. I can understand posting it on your site, but submitting it to the Carnival? Hey, Chris - Who Should Buy Mexico?

*** Morg presents Dan Rather's New Gig posted at Morgnet. Photoshop phunny!

** AbbaGav presents Al-Zahar Needs Cash, Time for Hamas 4-1-9? Hamas fundraisers hire Nigerian contractors. NSFW. 

*** Jennie von Eggers at Creative Homeschooling presents Satirical Silly -Warning HOT Coffee! More Photoshop phun. Here's some homework for the kiddies, Jennie - Who Should Buy Mexico?

No Score - Jerry Dante at Jerry Dante presents Baseball vs. Football. It's not plagiarized, but it's a George Carlin classic. Jerry wins the "Link-Whore of the Week" award, the slut.

*** FIAR at Radioactive Liberty presents The Things That Really Matter. Graphic sarcasm, NSFW.

So there you have it - not one bit of help for our friends south of the border. Thanks for nothing, guys! 

Serenity, the sequel to Joss Whedon's Firefly television series, is now available in HD DVD!

Take the classic western setting - the years after the civil war - and the classic sci-fi setting - living on a spaceship - combine them, and you have the magic of this series. Add Joss Whedon's you-gotta-listen-closely dialogue, and you'll get hooked, too. Soon you'll be using "shiny" as a compliment and "gorram" as your favorite new cuss-word.

Fans of the series are trying to get as many people as possible to purchase this DVD today, to demonstrate the buying power of the fan base. The goal - a second season of Firefly! So… buy lots of Firefly/Serenity merchandise, whenever you find this post!

To purchase from Amazon.com, click the picture of the DVD. Browncoats unite!

Not native Texans, surely. 

Avoid swimming in sewer overflow

Citing a need to be more responsive to his constituents, Rep. John Murtha announced today that he is moving his office to Okinawa.

If he changes his name, can he still run for President?

Fred Barnes claims Jeb Bush is the best governor in America.

Pearls Before Swine

Rat: I went to your blog yesterday and noticed there's not a single comment after any of your entries. Does this concern you?
Goat: No.

Rat: Well, it should because it means no one is reading your blog.
Goat: Will you please - 

Rat: Perhaps you should just try posting notes on your refrigerator. You might reach more people.

(Goat strangles Rat. Throttle, throttle, throttle, throttle, throttle, throttle, throttle, throttle.)

Rat, painfully from the floor: You bloggers are an angry bunch. 

With members of the Congressional Black Caucus crying double standard, House Democrats met behind closed doors Thursday and voted to strip Rep. William Jefferson of his seat on the Ways and Means Committee.

The move was led by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-California, who has already asked Jefferson to step down voluntarily, a request her embattled counterpart rebuffed.

…

Asked if he thought race was a factor in Pelosi's decision, [Jefferson] replied, "It's not happened before. The first time it's happening, it's happening to an African-American."

This is a proud day for proponents of diversity!

Michelle Malkin has more info at her site.

I think we could solve a lot of pressing problems by getting someone to just buy Mexico. Right now they're like one of those companies that has a lot of potential but needs a boatload of money and better management to get things turned around.

So, in the interest of a better life for anyone who might still be in Mexico, and because it's funny, let's hear your ideas for Who Should Buy Mexico? Individuals, companies, cities, states, countries…

In addition, tell us what you think they should do with it once the check clears. And remember we're trying to help our brothers and sisters south of the border. Try to remember the "comedy" part of the exercise, too.

Submit your entries at the Conservative Cat form. You have until 23:59 PM Eastern on Wednesday, June 21. I think that's 0359UTC. Hopefully there will still be some Mexicans in Mexico then. Anyway, I'll summarize the ideas and decide how well they meet the criteria, then post the results on Thursday, June 22.

If you're not familiar with the Carnival of Comedy, more info is at IMAO. Want to host a CofC? Email Spacemonkey -at- IMAO.US and you can be a link-whore like me!

(This post will remain at the top until the results are posted.) 

Is it just me, or does Joe Lieberman

resemble the Guardians of the Universe?

The folks at Greenpeace were preparing to get their panties in a wad over President Bush's visit to Pennsylvania to promote, when they accidentally released a rough draft containing the following paragraph:

In the twenty years since the Chernobyl tragedy, the world's worst nuclear accident, there have been nearly [FILL IN ALARMIST AND ARMAGEDDONIST FACTOID HERE].

You can't make this stuff up, folks!

Well, actually you can, but you don't have to.

Hat tip: Washington Post and IMAO 

"Al Gore: Next Movie May Have Nude Scene"–headline, NewsMax.com, June 10

Johannes Lietz has written an awesome plugin for WordPress that tracks the approximate location of visitors to this site, and displays it on a Google Map right here on the site!

I've had this blog for just a month or so, and I find it fascinating that of the few hundred visitors I've had so far, quite a few are from other countries. My tracking metrics let me see them on a world map, but Johannes' plugin lets you see them, too.

Just click on the Visitor Map link to the left, or click here.

Also, please check the welcome message to the left - it should show your country. Please let me know whether or not it's working in the comments. Thanks!

Gotta get me one of these!

WickedLasers.com

That's right, fresh from trading starving children food for sex accomplishing nothing of usefulness, the United Nations wants to ban guns.

Somehow, by making it illegal to own personal firearms, terrorism will be thwarted. 

Kim du Toit helps us understand. 

A guy in England figured that meant kids can hear things adults can't - specifically, very high frequencies. He created a device that pulses an annoying tone at about 15,000 Hz with the idea that when the device is used, it will repel kids while being unnoticed by adult. Perfect for solving that youth-loitering problem you've been having in front of your shop.

Read more here. 

A total of eight children under the age of twelve killed in the 9-11 terrorist attacks. Why is it that we never see their faces, but keep seeing the faked photos of civilian casualties in Iraq?

Scroll past the entertainment and see their names at AYC. 

LMAO - Rock, Paper, Saddam!

• The word Massachusetts is a Narraganset Indian word meaning "Tribal elders say ok. Squaw can marry squaw".
• The state flower of Massachusetts is the gin blossom, which makes Ted Kennedy's face a protected state wilderness area. 

There are more at IMAO; some of which I didn't know. 

Yep, we're pretty "joyous," too!

In a statement posted on the Web, Al Qaeda in Iraq confirmed the death of Zarqawi and vowed to continue its "holy war."

"We want to give you the joyous news of the martyrdom of the mujahed sheik Abu Musab al-Zarqawi," said the statement.

From FOXNews.com.

LOL - dumb punks…

How NOT to steal a SideKick II

Here's why many conservatives are loathe to start any new government program, no matter how "necessary" - it instantly becomes an entitlement.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said DHS thought that NYC hadn't gotten enough DHS funding the first two years, so they provided a "bonus" last year. Then this year's budgeted amount equals the average for the three years. The response, of course is outrage that the "bonus" isn't going to happen every year.

Captain Ed has a good breakdown of all the numbers - the reduction amounts to about 1.5% of the total amount NYC gets from the federal government:

New York City, far from being "disarmed" as some would describe it, still has a huge chunk of the UASI grant funds. … And anyone who can argue with a straight face that the federal government neglects New York City is either a demagogue or an economic illiterate.

A detailed dissection of today's NY Times lead editorial - A Hard Look at A Haditha Editorial by Don Surber.