Howard Dean sez:

One of the most important things Democrats will do is repeal the Patriot Act, and put a halt to the warrantless surveillance of individuals in this country who are suspected of terrorist activities…

Howard Dean means:

…because Death-to-America types have just as much right to undermine the War on Terror as we do…

Maybe even more!

Visit WuzzaDem for the rest!

Iraq veteran Paul Hackett disgraced himself and his uniform tonight on The O'Reilly Factor, with John Kasich guest-hosting.

First he called Dan Senor, former advisor to the U.S. presidential envoy in Iraq, "Herr Senor." Then he called him "little Unterfuhrer." 

Senor kept his cool a lot better than I would have, but I doubt he'd get in trouble anywhere in the country for giving Hackett a whuppin'. I hope to hear of it soon.

Watch the video — Hackett calls Dan Senor “Unterfuhrer.”

And CNN producers let her talk over President Bush's speech! 

Read the transcript at NewsBusters.org.

**UPDATE - Watch and listen at Hot Air. 

Seriously! 

Well, it was back in 1945, but it's a true story.

Harvey has Fun Facts About New York at IMAO and Bad Example.

Here are two of my favorites:

The 1969, the Woodstock Music Festival was held on Max Yasgur's farm in Bethel, New York. It reportedly took Mr. Yasgur over 2 years to get that hippie smell out of his manure pit.

And… 

The state tree of New York is the billboard.

Mama Duck at Lil' Duck Duck has posted the Carnival of the Vanities #206, and Acme Anvil Co. is included! (some would say, "of course.")

Thanks,  Mama Duck!

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he pulled over to the side of the levee when he spotted that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, the blonde took aim, killed the creature and heaved it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were seven more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in great frustration, "Dang it! This one's barefoot, too!"

Rudy Giuliani did a good job during and after 9/11, and did some good things as mayor of New York, but he is not a conservative, and does not deserve the support of conservatives should he pursue the Republican nomination for President in 2008.

Here's a partial list of the reasons. He is:

• Pro-Abortion, even partial birth abortion
• Anti-Second Amendment
• Soft on Gay Marriage
• Pro-Illegal Immigration

John Hawkins has a good article with all the details at Right Wing News

SarahK nails it:

I’ve already told [my husband] that we’re not flying any more after this trip until our Feds get a clue and stop being PC and adopt the El Al model. We don’t need to improve it. We just need to copy it. Until we do it, I’m not flying. I used to be a great flyer before 9/11, but not now.

And I used to tell myself that I’m not going to let the terrorists win by letting them keep me from flying. But it’s not them. They’re not keeping me from flying. Our stupid, coddling, whiny, PC government is keeping me from flying. The politicians who sit around and read polls all day instead of actually ever doing anything are keeping me from flying. The Feds who refuse to face reality and refuse to fix the problems rather than the symptoms are keeping me from flying. Our activist, terrorist-loving judges are keeping me from flying. The immigration and customs agents who hand out visas to young Middle Eastern men like they’re candy are keeping me from flying.

Read the whole post

Katrina demonstrated the best and worst in people. Unfortunately, the worst were the people in charge.

The best were the people whose names we will never know.

– Rich Galen — Mullings 

I heard someone on the radio a few days ago that applauded President Bush's finally using the term "Islamo-Fascism," instead of "War on Terror." He pointed out that terror is a way of waging war, and that we didn't fight the War on Blitzkrieg in WWII, we fought the Germans. 

Please note the definition of fascism:

A system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator, stringent socioeconomic controls, suppression of the opposition through terror and censorship, and typically a policy of belligerent nationalism and racism.

We're not in danger of Muslims in general, but there is definitely a clear and present danger from those who practice Islam in very specific ways and demand that everyone do so, or die. 

So, Muslims are okay. But since we believe strongly in freedom — not only for Americans but for all people, Islamo-fascists must desist or be destroyed. 

And as a footnote, I just changed the category "War on Terror" to "War on Islamo-Fascism" here at Acme Anvil Co.

The winner for the Carnival of Comedy #69 — HollyRhea's post on her days in show-choir! Holly has a wonderful ability to not take herself seriously while involved in a "look-at-me" activity.

Good job, Holly! 

Today's story about the crashed airliner got me to wondering again how runways are numbered, and this time I had my computer with me.

Runways are identified by direction, using the degrees of a compass, with 360 degrees being toward magnetic North. The direction a plane is traveling on the runway is rounded to the nearest ten degrees, then divided by ten. A runway headed almost due East, with a compass heading of 86 degrees, would be Runway Nine, or sometimes Zero Nine. Multiple digits are always said separately — a runway with the numbers "26" on the end would be called "Runway Two Six." 

Also, since runways can be used in either direction, Runway Nine above would be known as Runway Two Seven if the plane was going the opposite direction.

Parallel runways are typically appended with "Left" or "Right;" parallel runways headed North would be "Three Six Left" and "Three Six Right."

For some airports, it's more complicated. A good article on the whole subject is here; Wikipedia is also a good source. 

Want to use the "official" phonetic alphabet when you spell a part number or serial number over the phone? Here is the current NATO phonetic alphabet:

Alpha
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
India
Juliet
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
Oscar
Papa
Quebec
Romeo
Sierra
Tango
Uniform
Victor
Whisky
X-Ray
Yankee
Zulu

Older phonetic alphabets used Able, Baker, Charlie, Dog, Easy, etc. Amateur radio operators sometimes change the letters up to make them easier to remember or say; the letters M-M in a call sign, instead of "Mike-Mike" could be "Mickey Mouse."

Although your coolness factor goes up if you use the correct letters, you can use anything you want as long as it's easily understandable.

(Click to enlarge)

Scene: 2010. Iran's Bushehr nuclear facility

State of the art American warplanes fly over and drop… leaflets. Leaflets with smiley faces that read "Please stop."

New scene: The White House

Advisor: The deterrence mission failed, President Kerry.

President  Doofus  Nightmare  Carter II  Kerry: I just — I just don't get it.

Day by Day, by Chris Muir

In an effort to make this site easier to navigate, I've changed the template. This one has a few new features, and was pretty easy to modify.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments.

Ann Coulter skewers liberals again:

They oppose the National Security Agency listening to people who are calling specific phone numbers found on al-Qaida cell phones and computers. Spying on al-Qaida terrorists is hampering our ability to fight the global war on terror!

Checking my logs, I find that lots of people are interested in confessed killer John Mark Karr's mullet.

They're finding it at this post. I'm trying to remember if any other accused/convicted murderer sported such a hideous coif. 

Any ideas? Post 'em in the comments. 

**Update — See below**

***Updated Again — See further below*** 

Welcome to the Carnival of Comedy, brought to you by the relatively harmless folks at IMAO!

We're going to do this a little differently — this post will remain on top for a while, with each submission noted in a separate post below. And in an experiment to see whether you feel like we care about your opinion, you get to vote. And by "you," I mean blog-owners; yep, just like the old days of democracy, where only land-owners got to vote.

Here's what you do — read through all of them, then write a post on your site sending people to your favorite, and send a trackback both to the original post and to my critique here on Acme Anvil Co. If I'm still interested, I'll count the votes after 10pm Central time on Sunday, and post the winner as an update to this post. 

I already hear some of you whining — "But I don't haaaave a blog!" Well, get one. You have plenty of time between now and Sunday. Try Blogger; it's free. Or user WordPress like I do, cause I'm smart. Remember to learn how to use trackbacks.

Keep referring back to this post, and I'll include an update when the reviews are finished. I just included a new category for the carnival just to make your lives easier — look for the link to the left.

Want to be included in next week's carnival? Submit teh funny here or here. 

**Update — Almost finished! Keep checking back! 

***Update again — I'm done! Every entry has it's own post, and they're all in the new Carnival of Comedy category, so you can find the easily. The category is to the left, or you can click here. 

Also, it turns out this is Carnival of Comedy #69, so that's twice I've mis-labeled the carnival. The first time was SpaceMonkey's fault, and this time… well, you get what you pay for.

Don't forget to vote, if it's not too complicated. 

Also — please patronize my sponsors, so I can buy a new gun.

Village Smitty at Hippo Campy presents Sen. Allen Mistakes Sen. Akaka as "Macaca."

Funnyish — I think Smitty is taking writing lessons from FrankJ. 

FIAR at Radioactive Liberty presents I’m Not Xenophobic! I hate Foreigners.

Kinda funny, but then you forgot about the War Between the States, opening yourself up to comments from all sorts of unsavory Yankees. Wait, that came out wrong… I meant to say Damn Yankees. My dear departed dad used to say Yankees are like hemorrhoids — as long as they stay up where they belong, they're tolerable, but when they drop down here, they're a pain in the a$$.

tommy at The Kag Report presents The Robert Downey Jr School For Addiction.

Satire and sarcasm together — gotta love it.

***Warning — picture of Courtney Love might make your eyes hurt. 

Chris Carlisle presents Back to School Buying Guide posted at The Dimmer Switch.

When I got to Chris' site, I remembered that he had teh funny last time I did this, and even with the possibly false hope that brought, I wasn't disappointed.

We learned about Crayons the hard way. Let Chris show you the light…

jldude at my search for meaning, money… presents Confessions of a GTD Productivity Addict.

Plus — we find out what GTD means.

Minus — just barely funny.

Bonus — link to way cool video of how to fold a t-shirt in two seconds. (Hint - origami may be involved)

So, I take a break from posting these to take my family out to dinner, only to find a whiny comment upon my return — "Where's my post?" 

Well, here it is. I'm giving you a five-ping penalty for jiggling my elbow, dude.

Damian G. at Conservathink presents PlayStation 2 comes out of closet; Sony to re-think backwards compatibility.

This is kinda funny, in a gay-bashing sort of way. Not that there's anything wrong with that…

Who said you could go twice? Can we get a ruling on this? I'm not going to read it.

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Those Unspeakable Meetings posted at Mad Kane's Humor Blog.

This is probably how they figured Al Gore would win, too. Evil liberals… they hope we don't pay attention to their wretched plots.

I'm gonna get Katherine Harris to disqualify you! 

Remulak Moxargon at The MoxArgon Group presents If You Want Something Done Right…

…you have to do it yourself. 

Remulak gives us the definitive Lamont campaign video commercial; I won't spoil the ending, but l do feel a lot safer now.