Ann Coulter skewers liberals again:

They oppose the National Security Agency listening to people who are calling specific phone numbers found on al-Qaida cell phones and computers. Spying on al-Qaida terrorists is hampering our ability to fight the global war on terror!

Checking my logs, I find that lots of people are interested in confessed killer John Mark Karr's mullet.

They're finding it at this post. I'm trying to remember if any other accused/convicted murderer sported such a hideous coif. 

Any ideas? Post 'em in the comments. 

**Update — See below**

***Updated Again — See further below*** 

Welcome to the Carnival of Comedy, brought to you by the relatively harmless folks at IMAO!

We're going to do this a little differently — this post will remain on top for a while, with each submission noted in a separate post below. And in an experiment to see whether you feel like we care about your opinion, you get to vote. And by "you," I mean blog-owners; yep, just like the old days of democracy, where only land-owners got to vote.

Here's what you do — read through all of them, then write a post on your site sending people to your favorite, and send a trackback both to the original post and to my critique here on Acme Anvil Co. If I'm still interested, I'll count the votes after 10pm Central time on Sunday, and post the winner as an update to this post. 

I already hear some of you whining — "But I don't haaaave a blog!" Well, get one. You have plenty of time between now and Sunday. Try Blogger; it's free. Or user WordPress like I do, cause I'm smart. Remember to learn how to use trackbacks.

Keep referring back to this post, and I'll include an update when the reviews are finished. I just included a new category for the carnival just to make your lives easier — look for the link to the left.

Want to be included in next week's carnival? Submit teh funny here or here. 

**Update — Almost finished! Keep checking back! 

***Update again — I'm done! Every entry has it's own post, and they're all in the new Carnival of Comedy category, so you can find the easily. The category is to the left, or you can click here. 

Also, it turns out this is Carnival of Comedy #69, so that's twice I've mis-labeled the carnival. The first time was SpaceMonkey's fault, and this time… well, you get what you pay for.

Don't forget to vote, if it's not too complicated. 

Also — please patronize my sponsors, so I can buy a new gun.

Village Smitty at Hippo Campy presents Sen. Allen Mistakes Sen. Akaka as "Macaca."

Funnyish — I think Smitty is taking writing lessons from FrankJ. 

FIAR at Radioactive Liberty presents I’m Not Xenophobic! I hate Foreigners.

Kinda funny, but then you forgot about the War Between the States, opening yourself up to comments from all sorts of unsavory Yankees. Wait, that came out wrong… I meant to say Damn Yankees. My dear departed dad used to say Yankees are like hemorrhoids — as long as they stay up where they belong, they're tolerable, but when they drop down here, they're a pain in the a$$.

tommy at The Kag Report presents The Robert Downey Jr School For Addiction.

Satire and sarcasm together — gotta love it.

***Warning — picture of Courtney Love might make your eyes hurt. 

Chris Carlisle presents Back to School Buying Guide posted at The Dimmer Switch.

When I got to Chris' site, I remembered that he had teh funny last time I did this, and even with the possibly false hope that brought, I wasn't disappointed.

We learned about Crayons the hard way. Let Chris show you the light…

jldude at my search for meaning, money… presents Confessions of a GTD Productivity Addict.

Plus — we find out what GTD means.

Minus — just barely funny.

Bonus — link to way cool video of how to fold a t-shirt in two seconds. (Hint - origami may be involved)

So, I take a break from posting these to take my family out to dinner, only to find a whiny comment upon my return — "Where's my post?" 

Well, here it is. I'm giving you a five-ping penalty for jiggling my elbow, dude.

Damian G. at Conservathink presents PlayStation 2 comes out of closet; Sony to re-think backwards compatibility.

This is kinda funny, in a gay-bashing sort of way. Not that there's anything wrong with that…

Who said you could go twice? Can we get a ruling on this? I'm not going to read it.

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Those Unspeakable Meetings posted at Mad Kane's Humor Blog.

This is probably how they figured Al Gore would win, too. Evil liberals… they hope we don't pay attention to their wretched plots.

I'm gonna get Katherine Harris to disqualify you! 

Remulak Moxargon at The MoxArgon Group presents If You Want Something Done Right…

…you have to do it yourself. 

Remulak gives us the definitive Lamont campaign video commercial; I won't spoil the ending, but l do feel a lot safer now. 

HollyRhea at HollyRhea presents Get ready. This is a good one.

And althought I was a little worried at first, it is funny. Plus, there's a link to what appears to be a modern, old-fashioned burlesque dancer in the following post!

Cool! A moonbat at our little carnival! 

Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane presents That's What The Law's About: Song Parody About Lawyers, sung to the tune of Hokey Pokey, except the Hokey Pokey had the courtesy to stop after a while.

Some parts are funny; maybe we should vote on which stanzas to delete! 

Steve Pavlina at Steve Pavlina's Personal Development Blog presents 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job.

Interestingly, I read this a few days ago following a link. While not exactly comedy, it's a lighthearted look at remaining or becoming self-employed — and it makes a lot of sense.

Alabama Improper presents A Most Improper Idea posted at Alabama Improper.

The idea itself isn't improper, see; it's a running joke because the his (oops) her site is Improper — Alabama Improper, which is probably more improper than normal.

Anyway… you could be a mystery guest blogger if you have a blog, otherwise, it's pointless. And improper.

c.a. Marks presents On Kissing… posted at c.a. Marks.

More of a diary entry than comedy, but you chicks will be glad to hear she found a good kisser. 

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents S**thouse Rats Sue Over McKinney Slur.

Be brave, little rats! Made me remember my dear departed dad who would say "outhouse mouse" when he thought the preacher could hear him. 

Got this in an email; I'm not sure if it's even authentic, but it's funny… 

Question: Name a former President that most people would say is honest.
#1 Answer: Lincoln
Worst Answers: Nixon

Question: Besides San Francisco, name a city that begins with the word San.
#1 Answer: San Diego
Worst Answer: Seattle

Question: Name a slang term used for important people.
#1 Answer: V.I.P.
Worst Answer: Buddy

Question: Name something packrats have a hard time throwing out.
#1 Answer: Photos
Worst Answer: Corn

Question: Name something that might annoy a gardener.
#1 Answer: Bugs
Worst Answer: Not getting paid on time

Question: Name a reason a man might send his wife flowers.
#1 Answer: Anniversary
Worst Answer: Happy divorce

Question: Name a term used in football.
#1 Answer: Touchdown
Worst Answer: Fastbreak

Question: Name a special request people ask for when making a dinner reservation.
#1 Answer: Non-smoking
Worst Answer: A menu

Question: Name someone you wouldn't want to get a phone call from.
#1 Answer: The police
Worst Answer: Your son

Question: Name a classical music composer everyone knows.
#1 Answer: Mozart
Worst Answer: Julio Inglesias

Question: Tell me something specific you should drink a lot of when you're sick.
#1 Answer: Water
Worst Answer: Alcohol

Question: Name something you'd hate to find at the end of your nose.
#1 Answer: Pimple
Worst Answers: Lint

Question: Name the
Worst kind of shoe to run a marathon in.
#1 Answer: High heels
Worst Answer: Scuba flippers
Louie Anderson's Response: If it's up there… I'll be suprised.

Question: Name something a person wouldn't want living in their house.
#1 Answer: Relatives
Worst Answer: Mold

Question: Name a musician who goes by one name.
#1 Answer: Madonna
Worst Answer: Reba McIntyre
Louie Anderson's Response: Show me the strike.

Question: Name something you'd buy for more than a thousand dollars.
#1 Answer: House
Worst Answer: Pleasure equipment
Louie Anderson's Response: I'm afraid to ask what that means.

Question: Name something you think would be difficult about being a waiter.
#1 Answer: Taking orders
Worst Answer: Falling down

Question: Name something a woman would find in her boyfriend's apartment that would make her think he was cheating.
#1 Answer: Bra
Worst Answer: Used condom

Question: Name something a teenage boy can do for hours at a time.
#1 Answer: Video games
Worst Answer: Masturbate
Louie Anderson's Response: I knew somebody would say it.

Question: Name a unit of currency used in a country other than the US.
#1 Answer: Peso
Worst Answer: Ampere

Question: Name a reason why a woman might not want to kiss her boyfriend.
#1 Answer: Bad breath
Worst Answers: She doesn't love him that much

Question: Name something you do in front of your husband that you probably never did when you were dating.
#1 Answer: Undress
Worst Answer: Make out
Louie Anderson's Response: With somebody else?

Question: Name a complaint you might have about the pizza that was just delivered.
#1 Answer: It's cold
Worst Answers: It went to the wrong address
Louie Anderson's Response: And you just happened to be there.

Question: Name an animal many people are scared of.
#1 Answer: Snake
Worst Answer: Boar
Louie Anderson's Response: It's terrifying.

Question: Name something you need to play Scrabble.
#1 Answer: Letters
Worst Answer: Dice
Louie Anderson's Response: Where did you learn to play Scrabble?

Question: Name the age when a man might start to lose a lot of hair.
#1 Answer: 30
Worst Answer: 14

Question: Name the best month to schedule a wedding.
#1 Answer: June
Worst Answer: Summer